


Love is an Open Door

by StreetSoldierin



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec is a mess, Angst, BAMF Isabelle Lightwood, Bad Parenting, Claustrophobia, Domestic, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this in 2017, Implied Sexual Content, Izzy is a kick-ass sister, M/M, Malec, Minor Injuries, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, but nothing a certain warlock can't handle, lots of love, parenting done super wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 14:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StreetSoldierin/pseuds/StreetSoldierin
Summary: Alec accidently gets locked in the bathroom, and some dark memories start to resurface.





	Love is an Open Door

**Author's Note:**

> Getting this one out there with some other fics I haven't touched in years but don't wanna leave to rot.  
This is not betaed and I was a teen when I wrote it (this sounds like I'm old, I'm only 20 lol), but I still wanna get it out here for people to enjoy, sooo, have fun.

This day had started off rather good. Alec had woken up next to his boyfriend, Magnus had agreed to get up with him "at this ungodly hour" so they could have breakfast together and then Alec had gone to the Institute. 

From then on, everything had gone downhill. Starting with the news that his parents would come and visit from Idris followed by an unpleasant argument with Clary who apparently hadn't forgiven him for dragging Jace and herself home last night from that party, even though it had been their own faults since he had clearly told them he wanted neither of them to drink when they were on duty the next day. And then, work. Not that Alec didn't like it, but lately all the work seemed to be suffocating him and the weight on his chest just grew heavier with every stressful night. 

When he came home to Magnus, the warlock seemed to notice immediately that Alec wasn't in a good mood. "Rough day, darling?" He simply asked and brushed his lips lightly against Alec's before pulling him into a hug. Alec sighed and relaxed in his boyfriend's arms. "Yeah, you could say that. You'd think there'd be less paperwork by now but it seems like it just keeps pouring down on me."  
"My poor Nephilim," Magnus replied and raked his fingers through Alec's hair gently. "How about you take a nice, hot shower while I go and fetch us some dinner?"  
"You go?" Alec leaned back and furrowed his brows. "Since when don't you just summon it up?"  
"There's a good place not far from here that makes the most delicious food I've ever tasted – and I've tasted a lot, mind you. Unfortunately, the place belongs to another warlock, who knows very well how to put up wards."  
That brought a faint smile to Alec's lips. "Probably because he knows that you don't live far. The amount of food vanishing in the restaurants around here must be an urban legend by now."  
Magnus chuckled. "I do pay them. I solely free them of the burden to deliver it themselves. But it's set then. Go take your shower, I'll be back in no time." And with another quick kiss, he was out of the door. 

Alec shook his head in amusement and headed over to the bathroom, shrugging off his jacket on the way to hang it on the coat rack. Talking to Magnus always made him feel better, no matter what topic their conversation was about. They could talk about nonsense for hours and it still would make Alec forget every problem he ever had. 

He made sure not to fully close the bathroom door, he never had since the first time he had showered here and Magnus had warned him that the door got stuck sometimes.  
The hot water felt good on his skin and for a few minutes he just stood there and let it rain down on him, taking in the warmth and the cleansing feeling. After washing his hair, getting out of the shower and drying himself off he glanced at the mirror... but there was nothing to see. 

His shower had been so hot that the whole bathroom was filled with steam, and while he welcomed the warmth of it all, he didn't like how the damp air felt in his lungs so he went over to open the window. Cool air streamed in, and though it made goosebumps rise on his arms, he felt relieved to breathe it in. 

That was, until a strong breeze went through the room and he could hear the bathroom door slam shut.  
He whirled around and stared at it for a few seconds before slowly moving towards it, trying to ignore the sickening feeling building up in his stomach. 

Calm down, Alec. You probably just have to push a bit harder for it to open. This isn't a big deal.  
He reached for the handle, pressed it down and pushed. The door didn't budge.  
He took a shuddering breath and tried again, harder this time. Nothing.  
His hands were shaking and he felt nauseated as he took a step back, just to throw himself against the door with his shoulder, putting his whole weight behind it. There was a scraping sound, but still it remained closed. 

Clenching his jaw Alec turned around, eyes frantically searching the room, but there was nothing to help him, nothing to get this damn door to open... His eyes rested on the open window for a moment.  
No. He shook his head. He was at the top floor, there wasn't a chance. 

He turned to the door again, taking the handle and rattling on it. He knew it wasn't rational, he knew it was senseless, but his breathing had begun to hitch and the line between what was rational and what he needed grew thinner. 

"Please," he whispered, voice cracking. "Please please please." 

There was no way out other than this door, he was trapped, trapped like an animal stuck in a cage and even though the bathroom had never appeared small to him, right now it was shrinking with every frantic beat of his heart. 

He lurched himself at the door again, throwing himself against it with all his might, but it still didn't budge. A desperate cry escaped his throat and suddenly tears clouded his vision, he blindly launched forwards, kicking, punching, clawing, so trapped in his panic that he just fought to get out, delusional, devoid of rational thinking. 

He was sobbing by now, that much he could tell, and his hands hurt and there was a crashing sound and pain, raw pain and something stinging his bare feet but he couldn't stop, he wouldn't stop, he wanted, needed to get out, just out, out, out. 

Suddenly there was a flash of blue, a voice calling his name. "Alexander!" He shrank back, no, no, no, no more, no more, please don't hurt me. 

"It's alright." He felt strong arms wrapping around him and he wanted to struggle and kick and scream, but then he caught the scent of the body behind him and slowly, very slowly his muscles began to relax. 

Sandalwood. 

"It's alright, darling," Magnus murmured and Alec could feel being lifted up. He blinked and looked around, heart skipping a beat at the sight of the bathroom. It was completely trashed. 

All kinds of things were lying around, the sink was cracked, the door hung lopsided off its hinges, the mirror smashed and bloody shards on the floor... Bloody?  
He looked down on himself. He still was only covered by the towel wrapped around his waist, and there was blood dripping down from his knuckles, blood smearing his bare feet. He closed his eyes again and pressed his face into Magnus' chest, he didn't want to see this. 

Magnus kept whispering sweet things to him as he carried him out of the bathroom and laid him down on the couch. Alec kept his eyes tightly shut, even when he felt the warlock carefully tending to his wounds, pulling shards of glass out of his skin. He felt the pain fade, surely Magnus was using his magic to heal him and only when all the pain was gone and Magnus pulled Alec up into his arms did he open his eyes again. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered and felt tears running down his face uncontrolledly. "I'm so, so sorry."  
"Hush, darling, it's fine," Magnus answered and rubbed circles on the Shadowhunter's back. "It's all fine. Just breathe." 

Alec didn't know how long they just sat there like that, him clinging tightly to Magnus' shirt and Magnus whispering soothingly. It felt like hours when the tears finally stopped coming and he felt like he could breathe again. 

"By the Angel," he mumbled against Magnus' chest. "Way to ruin the evening, huh?"  
"Nonsense." Magus leaned back a little so he could meet Alec's eyes. "Just please don't ever scare me like this again. I thought you were being attacked." 

Alec glanced at the destroyed bathroom door. "Did you blast open the door?"  
"Of course I did," Magnus answered as if that was the most natural thing in the world. "I was worried." Then he gently laid a finger beneath Alec's chin and turned his face towards him. "Sweetheart, you don't have to answer this if you can't, but may I ask what happened?" 

Alec lowered his gaze. "I opened the window. The door slammed shut."  
"You couldn't open it," Magnus concluded, though his tone suggested that he still didn't understand.  
Alec swallowed hard. "Yeah, no I couldn't. It's just... I... when I..." He broke off, desperately searching for words.  
"It's alright," Magnus said soothingly. "You don't have to tell me yet." But Alec shook his head. "No, no, I want to, I just don't..." He paused again, taking a deep breath and looking Magnus straight in the eye. "I'm claustrophobic." 

For a moment, they both fell silent. Alec couldn't help it, his heart was slamming against his chest rapidly as he waited for the warlock to say something. 

Finally, Magnus reached out to cup Alec's cheek with his hand. "Oh darling." His voice was as soft as ever. "Why didn't you ever tell me? I would have removed that door weeks ago."  
With shaking fingers Alec laid his own hand over Magnus'. "It's kind of complicated. I never told anyone because it's linked to another story, something I've kept hidden and locked away and never wanted anyone to know." He took a shuddering breath. "But I want to now. I want to tell you. Just please... please promise you'll stay here with me."  
"Of course," Magnus replied. "I promise. Whatever it is, I'll be here." 

"Thanks." Alec closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "My parents were really strict about my education. They were with all of us, of course, but I am the firstborn and therefore I had to do well. Anything else wasn't an option, really. I never failed at the theoretical stuff, I was pretty good at that. But practical... I don't know if Jace has mentioned some time or if you noticed, but I'm not a natural at fighting. It always took me longer to get the techniques right and to coordinate my body in the right way." 

Magnus shook his head. "I never noticed. You are an excellent fighter." 

"Yeah, because I practiced. It just... I never got it right as fast as Jace, or Izzy. So when my parents noticed that my progress wasn't as good as my siblings', they made me take extra hours. I trained twice as much as Jace, and still I was only keeping up, never excelling. When my parents realized that, they decided they needed to take more drastic measures."  
He took a deep breath, trying to calm his frantically beating heart. "When I made mistakes in training... when I messed up, or slipped, or just so much as made a wrong move, they'd lock me up after. They said they did it so I could think about my mistake and analyze what went wrong, so I could do better next time. There was a closet next to the training room, a really small one where the training weapons were being kept, and that's where I spent hours after hours." 

"Oh darling." Magnus took his hand and squeezed it, a furrow had appeared on his forehead. 

"Eventually, I couldn't stand it anymore. I asked them to stop, begged them, promised I'd do better, but they never listened. It came to the point where my father had to drag me there screaming and kicking, and the more I struggled, the more afraid I was.  
When I was about fourteen I noticed that being in small spaces or crowds made me anxious. I couldn't take the elevator anymore, whenever I went into closets I left the door wide open, and so on. Being locked in somewhere was worse.  
Izzy was the only one who noticed, so I told her..." He cleared his voice as it threatened to crack. "She was furious, and well, you know her when she's angry. She just straight up marched to our parents and confronted them about it. They argued for hours, but in the end Izzy... she said if they wouldn't stop we'd run away. She risked getting stripped of her runes for me. So in the end our parents gave in and they stopped, under the condition that Jace and Izzy would train extra hours with me. I was sixteen at the time. It's been years now, but it never went away. Just as the nervousness I get whenever I touch a blade." 

"That's why you chose the bow?" Magnus asked softly. Alec nodded. "Yeah. They never forced me to train shooting, they focused more on close combat. They always thought the bow was a weaker weapon. But I grew anxious around blades, and the bow was the only thing in practical fighting I was naturally good with. Of course I can fight with blades too by now, but I try to avoid it." 

He fell silent after that, eyes fixed on Magnus face, scared of what the other might think. But Magnus simply reached out and pulled Alec towards him, holding him tight. "You are not just good with your bow, you are brilliant. Your parents had no right to do that to you, and hell knows how angry I am at them right now. Knowing Isabelle, I'm surprised she didn't get physical, which is what I'd be doing right now if I hadn't promised you to stay." 

Alec smiled faintly. "That's part of the reason I made you promise." 

"What was the other part?", Magnus asked, gently stroking Alec's back. "Were you afraid I'd think you were less perfect now that I know?" 

The answer was an unsure shrug. "I didn't know how you'd react. I never told anyone except Izzy. Even Jace doesn't know." 

"Alexander," Magnus said fondly, but in a serious tone. "There's nothing in your soul that could make me think lesser of you. You are perfect to me, with every single flaw. Being afraid is not something you have to be ashamed of." 

"But it is kind of freakish, isn't it? I mean, by the Angel, I can't even be in a room with a locked door." 

"What does it matter? So we won't lock them, do you think it's a sacrifice to leave doors open? There's nothing 'freakish' about it, darling. It's a rational reaction of your brain to something that was done to you, something cruel which you didn't deserve. If something makes you uncomfortable, you just tell me. There's no shame in it." 

"Thank you," Alec said quietly. He knew if he spoke any louder, he'd probably start crying. "That means a lot to me." 

"_You_ mean a lot to me, Alexander." A mischievous smile appeared on his lips. That smile Alec knew and loved. "And now come and kiss me. You are only wearing that towel after all, and I vote for it to go too." 

Alec chuckled and slung his hands around Magnus' neck, pulling him in for a kiss, but leaning back to pause for a second. "If my dinner gets cold for this you better make up for it." 

And Magnus laughed; a genuine, loud laugh that made Alec's heart flutter, and he shoved Alec backwards, rolling on top of him. 

"Oh, I will, you stupid Nephilim. I will"

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and/or comments literally make my day!  
Thank you! xx


End file.
